just your average compulsive waver.

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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo

Hello,
world
(:
:D

If it's meant to be, it'll be(:

"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"

don't think, just run

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I have decided that i'm gonna change my blog template. Soon.. Well as soon as i can get my mind around all the other little things i have to do. Roar.

3 things to sum up my day/have been food for my thought today:

1. Migraine City, that time of the month and (Sound)Sleep Deprivation

I've started to take Migraine pills to alleviate the seering pain that seems to be having a fun time switching itself on and off at the most inappropriate times since Thursday. I feel like an OLD LADY. You know how they always complain about migraines? I finally know why.

I have come to the conclusion that i have some unresolved issues in my life. That would explain the dreams that leave me feeling less-than-rested upon my waking, either after naps(power or no) and actual sleeps. It's driving me insane because i have no clue what these unresolved issues are. At all. It's probably a combination of everything that's been going on since who knows when but hell, it's really making me completely crabby since i can't even turn to sleep anymore. If fact, i'm beginning to dread it simply because i don't want another rendition of SAW2 playing in my head, scaring the crap out of me and then waking up in a cold sweat. I just want to sleep and feel refreashed, rejuvenated and rearing to go. So really, if you have any clue what's going on in that little subconscious of mine (which is not letting me know), i'd appreciate some insight. I'm having nightmares of never having a good night's sleep. Ever.

2. Responsibility and Relationships

Double 'R's are a pain in the behind. I think it's the desire to drop everything, let go of the weight that i've been hauling for a while and just.. Freedom from responsibility and doing what's right. It's not always the easiest thing to do and stifling as it may be, one has no choice but to follow the regulations laid down by position. Damn.

I have come to realise how important trust is in a relationship. Too much, or the lackthereof, neither serves the purpose of enriching a relationship. Maybe that's what's been getting me down, maybe that's the unresolved issue that's been slowly suffocating me without my knowledge - i don't know. All i do know, though, is that trust, such a small little simple word, it stands for a lot more than what i initially thought. And it simply stings when that trust has been misplaced by people who seemed so sincere. To be vulnerable and unassuming can be dangerous when you expect to be caught but are left to fall flat on your back cos your support decided to take leave.

Maybe i'm just scared, but if it's what's gonna make you stay and be happy, then by all means, it's yours.

3. NUCKING FUTS.

Somehow that's been the only word ringing through my mind the entire day. I don't have anything to complain about, i don't have anything to be upset about, i don't have any reason to feel sad or depressed or unhappy. Yet at the same time, i can't breathe.. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. So yes, it's nucking futs people, it's nucking futs.

Today school went past in a blur again. Classes, library, mountains of food with Jodee, classes. I simply can't remember much of what happened. It was good though, after i stopped comparing the past and present, i think i've been able to open my eyes and heart to the wonderful people i've come to know and love. Especially AH. I love how everyone always has my back and is always ready to chat or crap or be bitchy or laugh, eat, sit down at the bleachers and feel the UNabundant wind. Or simply, to be there. It's very nice. Very nice indeed (:

Training was fantastic today. Only 14 people showed but nonetheless it was possibly the best pitch trning yet. It was very comfortable and due to the small number, Dawn was able to give everyone special attention and we were worked to our max, i think. Drills were faster, harder and done a lot better. I'm so happy (: I see so much potential in everyone and for those who were there today, at least, i see such vast improvements and determination which is really heartwarming. This is a winning team. We played a short 7-a-side match at the end of trning, half pitch, black stripey socks against non black stripey socks. It was at that moment, be it the adrenaline of running freely with the ball, tackling an opponent or dragging the ball away that i felt it once again. The reason why i'm still playing hockey after 4+ years. The want, the need, the desire, the passion, the love for the sport. It's all good (: (P.S. I WILL learn the Korean song by the end of the year!!!)

You remind me of everything i don't want.

Tomorrow is a new day.
-smile like you mean it

ex-oh, ex-oh
4:02 AM